7 Lane Highways

One of the things that led me to a career as a therapist was my fascination with how the brain functions. In my first psychology class, I watched a dog trainer guide a dog through the learning process of using the light switch. The dog had never entered that building before, and within 30-minutes, she could turn the lights on and off on command. Inspired by this feat, I went home and attempted to teach my dog the same trick. It took him around 3 days to understand the task. 5 years later, all I had to say was, “Drake, lights!”, and the room lit up in moments. 
The way Drake, and all animals (including humans), managed to learn this trick was through repetition and reward. This process creates what are called neuronal pathways. Simply put, a neuronal pathway is the connection from one neuron to another; neuronal pathways are what creates thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The more we do something, the stronger that connection becomes, which is what helps us form patterns and habits; good and bad. 
I established a career that largely revolves around helping clients change those patterns of behavior. And, while nearly all of my clients enter the therapeutic space motivated to do just that, the time and energy they spend often does not produce desired results. I often have clients come to me after several weeks saying things like,  “I’ve been doing everything I can, but I always seem to fall back into the same pattern”. Naturally, this leads to a lot of frustrated clients! 
The thing is, there is a reason that behavioral change takes such a long time. In graduate school, I was taught about “resistant clients”, or those who appear to not want to make changes. I often equated “resistant” to “unmotivated” or “stubborn”. But the more I’ve worked with clients, the more I’ve realized that resistance is more often caused by a process called Homeostasis.
Homeostasis  exists in all organisms and systems. The function of homeostasis is to keep things running smoothly by making things as consistent and predictable as possible. In order to maintain consistency the system in questions is naturally resistant to change. This means that when a client, couple, or family system shows up in my therapy room, they arrive with a pattern of behavior that is working very hard to remain consistent, despite interference or introduction of new components. 
Imagine a family in which one member has developed issues managing their drinking, which is leading to conflict and discord within the family. One day, that family member decides to stop drinking. You would think that would lead to harmony between family members. But because of homeostasis, the family has become used to conflict. This means it is more likely the family will find other things to fight about, in order to maintain their usual way of existing. This is, of course, not how the family wishes to behave; but it is reflective of a system resistant to change. 
When clients seem discouraged or frustrated that they can’t seem to make progress, I introduce them to the ideas of neuronal pathways and homeostasis. Therapeutically, I find the use of metaphors to be the easiest approach to explaining therapeutic techniques. The following is my favorite metaphor for helping clients understand why behavioral change can be so difficult. 
A neuronal pathway becomes easier and more developed the longer it is used. Eventually, it’s like a 7-lane highway. It’s easy to drive on, and you drive on it so often that you know it like the back of your hand. I, as your therapist, have acknowledged that the highway exists, but I am asking you to build a dirt road off of that highway, thus beginning to form a new neuronal pathway. The dirt road is unfamiliar, harder to drive on, and you’re not quite sure where it will lead. And the WHOLE time we are building that dirt road, your brain is telling you “why don’t you just use the highway?? It’s already there and you know it SO well!”. 
Essentially, the whole time you are in therapy working toward behavioral change, your brain is encouraging you to continue following the neuronal pathways that already exist,  in order to maintain homeostasis. It resists change because, simply put, change is hard. So, while it can be done, we have to acknowledge that building that dirt road is going to take time, repetition, and reward. But eventually, it will end up being a new 7-lane highway that leads to a much more desirable destination.
It may seem strange to acknowledge resistance to change, but doing so makes it real. It becomes an entity in the room clients can acknowledge and empathize with. “I see you trying to make me stay the same, but changing this pattern will make me/us feel better” is a lot kinder of a thought than, “I must just not be good enough or want it bad enough”. 
If I can hope for anything, it is that as you read this, you are able to develop empathy for the parts of you that are just trying to make things run smoothly. Our natural, biological mechanisms for existing are not always the most helpful, but their intentions are pure.