7/9/2024 0 Comments Therapeutic Swear WordsRemoving some words from our vocabulary is extremely easy. If a word becomes taboo, for example, it only takes a few dirty looks from strangers before the word begins to fade from use. There are some words, however, that seem harmless on the surface but can do a lot of damage if left unchecked. I’ve decided to call these Therapeutic Swear Words. Here are just a few of the words I have added to my own list of TSWs, and potential alternatives.
Should - This is a word which comes with an inherent judgment. Saying “I should be able to work through this problem” implies if you cannot, you are somehow failing. Some people have already noticed the problem with overusing this word. I have heard the saying “Should is a dirty word!”, or in more playful terms, “Stop shoulding all over me!” So, how do we work towards eliminating this word? Here are a few things I have tried. “I could solve this problem, if I had more time.” “I need new tools to help me solve this problem.” “I want to solve this problem.” All of these options allow space for a person to feel disappointed the problem is not yet solved, while also creating a job for improving the pattern (i.e., finding new tools). Maybe - Realistically, there are many times when this word is valuable. When it is used as an unnecessary qualifier, that is when it becomes a TSW. For example, “Maybe I’m just not ready yet.” Often, we use maybe to lessen the impact of a statement on another person. However, the cost of protecting another person can be sacrificing a need of your own. In this case, I suggest eliminating the word if it is not imperative to the statement. If you truly are not sure how you feel about a specific issue, this is a perfect word to use. Otherwise, stick to your guns and say what you feel! Sorry - Culturally, we hear a lot about this word. When someone apologizes too much, they often get some sort of reprimand from those who care about them. But what is it we are trying to communicate when we say sorry? More often than not, we are trying to say thank you to a person for making space for our needs. For example, if I had to send food back at a restaurant, I may say “I’m so sorry” to the server. What I really mean is “Thank you for not making me eat this bad tasting food.” While there are times in life where an apology is warranted and necessary, overusing the word sorry can lead to feelings of guilt and distress. As I said, this list is nowhere near comprehensive. My suggestion to you, reader, would be to think of the words you use everyday that could be sending the wrong message. Pay attention to when and why you say them, and look for alternative words or phrases which send a more positive message!
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About the author:Leighanna Nordstrom, BS, MA, MFT-C Archives
October 2024
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