The Four Stages to Every Problem

When we encounter problems in our lives, we all have instincts for how to manage and resolve them. These instincts come from social learning and observation of behavior models in our lives (i.e., parents, teachers, coaches, etc). While we can get helpful tips and tricks for conflict resolution, we are often impacted by a sense of urgency. This can render these tips ineffective. For example, I was once taught to make a pros and cons list whenever I encounter a problem to help me decide how to proceed. This is a wonderful tip, but only comes in handy when I fully understand the problem at hand.
When I sit down with my clients and discuss conflict resolution, I have one motto: Slow is fast! If we can take things slowly and fully unravel the problem, we can resolve, not just the current issue, but the overall pattern. Doing so will create meaningful, lasting change, rather than temporary relief. 
During the hundreds of session hours being devoted to conflict resolution, I began to notice a pattern; conflict tended to become exacerbated when one client was ready to implement a resolution and the other appeared to have just realized there was even an issue. There is a model called the Transtheoretical Model, which indicates that there are 5 stages of readiness for change when an individual encounters a problem. If a person is not ready for change, it is more likely that any strategies implemented will likely revert back to the original behavior, rather than lasting. Click here for more information on the Transtheoretical Model.
While that framework is incredibly useful for deciding when a person may be ready for change, it doesn’t speak to what steps need to be taken for a person to get to that point of readiness. So, I used my experience with conflict resolution to develop a new framework for clients that could help them get ready to make changes. I call it the Four Stages to Every Problem. Below, I have listed and defined each stage. 

1. Realization - 
During this stage, a person will be coming to the conclusion that they are experiencing a problem. They may notice that something isn’t aligning right in their world or recognize a need for change, but do not have a direction for how or what to change. 
2. Integration - 
During this stage, a person will begin to explore how the problem is impacting their internal world as well as their surroundings. They will ask themselves questions about the magnitude of the problem, who is impacted, and what needs the problem is creating. 
3. Solution - 
The solution phase is for brainstorming different ideas and actions that may create some relief. During this stage, clients will explore several different pathways they could follow to resolve the issue, or make it at least slightly better. They will also consider whether they have or need to get all of the necessary components to implement their solutions. 
4. Implementation - 
During this stage, a person will put one or several of their brainstormed solutions into action. They will give it some time (I recommend at least two weeks) to see how the solution(s) impact their routine, their wellbeing, and their overall sense of relief.  If things are going well, the person can decide to maintain the new solution(s) and continue evaluating in the future. If relief is only slight, the person can adjust frequency or intensity of their solution(s) and reevaluate the relief they are experiencing.  If minimal or no relief has been created, the person will step back into stage 3 and adapt their solutions using the new information from the first trial. 

This model can be completed individually or with a partner. No matter who is involved, it is important to give yourself permission to step back into a previous stage if you feel more information is needed. I believe that when we try to move through the problem too quickly, it can cause us to miss valuable information, which makes it more likely that the problem will repeat itself. Download the PDF file below for some helpful questions to help you navigate each stage!
One last note: for more difficult problems or conflicts, things can become pretty tense between partners, especially when there is a disagreement with how to resolve the issue. If you or your partner notice this tension, it can be helpful and expedient to engage with a therapist, who can serve as a neutral party and help you find a mutually beneficial solution. 

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